Ten Year Rewind

Have you ever watched your life be incredibly led astray? Based your hopes and dreams on lies? I wear my heart on my sleeve. I think with my heart far too often, and far too often, it’s caused me serious harm.

Ten years ago, I was married, I had a son, I was climbing the ladder at work. I was in the best shape I’d ever been in. I worked out sometimes 2 hours a day. I was working on my first book. I had goals:

1. Enter a fitness competition by 42

2. Finish my first novel in a year

I was on course to accomplish both when an old boyfriend cane along and knocked them to shit.

I avoided the messages, but I still wanted to know he was well. He didn’t stop trying. After a while, we started talking. He told me some incredibly elaborate and beautiful lies. Eventually, I believed them. One of them was, “we’ll be together again one day. I don’t know how or when, but we will.”

I believed it. I messed up everything. My stupidity and faith in a myth called “true love” made me walk away from everything:

My marriage, my home, eventually, my job.

Weeks became months, months became years and years became nearly a decade. I no longer had any goals but to survive until that “one day”.

I made enormous mistakes that I’ll never be able to take back. I sold my soul for the chance of “true love.”

Is had his number for years and didn’t use it. I didn’t want to know the truth. Eventually, I saw the damage that had been done, texted him and got a decent response. It hurt, but what did I expect?

People talk about closure. Some think it’s a myth. I don’t. I needed it to move forward. And it’s been 9 years now since I walked away from my life. I’m going to do my best to rewind, so by this time, next year, I’ll be where I was. I can’t get those years back. I can’t take back the mistakes, but I can do my best to put myself back to the place I was before it happened.

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