I honestly had no clue what to title this. I’m fairly quiet. I don’t open up to many people. I used to share too much on Facebook. Sometimes, I still do. I see many of you doing it too, and I won’t tell you to stop. I do believe in sharing of yourself and living your life out loud. That’s how you find your people. That’s how you learn you are not alone.
Perhaps I can blame the introvert in me, perhaps I can call myself stupid or naive, but I invited some people into my life and into my home. It was a grand total of 4 people over the last 2 years. One stayed a week, 2 stayed 2 weeks, 1 didn’t leave for 2 years.
The similar theme here, is that I believed all of them and wanted to help them. One was in a home with heroine addicts even though he’d been clean for 2 years. He just needed a fresh start and he’d make it up to me and pay me back. He complimented me and worried me because I believed we were true friends.
One was homeless. Her family had kicked her out and she had nowhere else to go. She called the first one while he was living here crying hysterically that she needed a place. I spent time talking with her and wanted to help her too.
One said her husband was beating her and she had a restraining order and needed a place to stay. I believed everything she said because I’d known her from Facebook for a few years. I said she could stay for a bit.
One suffered the sudden death of her husband and I was simply crushed for her. I found it strange that she’d told me first of her Facebook friends and stranger still that she wanted to come stay with me, but my heart wanted to help, so I said she was welcome.
This is significant because I don’t let anyone in. I’ve been taken advantage of and for granted so many times, I tend to push everyone away, but I thought these people were my friends. They’d been watching my Facebook for years and, I, theirs. I believed they were in need of a kind heart and some hope and healing.
It didn’t take very long to understand they had all lied to me, and even longer to realize they’d all been Facebook friends together too. Some, even because of their connection to me. I believed what they presented because it was so convincing with their photos, posts, and seemingly heartfelt posts. They continued to lie to my face while with me and I pushed my gut instincts away believing maybe I was just cynical. There was an end to each encounter that showed me my gut instincts were correct, but my gut didn’t kick in until they were in my home.
I watched as they used my home, laughed and talked about me, ate my food, accepted my hospitality, and betrayed me.
I waited patiently for all to leave. I didn’t deprive them of anything except my continued friendship. I blocked every single one on Facebook as well as every single mutual friend.
I learned that once you take away your usefulness from people that only want to use you, they become livid. They harass, they publicly shame and spend their time trying to hurt you because you stopped letting them use you.
Funny thing is, when you didn’t trust people in the first place and realize these folks just worked on you to get something, it makes you even less trusting.
It’s been a very difficult 2 years. I’ve not said much about it, and I don’t like asking for help. Thank you to everyone that reached out and asked if I was ok.
And, be very careful about what you share and who you allow into your life and home.
Except thank you for the inspiration:
You didn’t break me
Just set me back a bit
All your threats and lies
They don’t mean shit
Far better than you
Have already tried to destroy me
All this hostility
From the strangers
Within your control
Mean absolutely nothing to me
Except to focus
On my crazy ass goal.