You’ve Gotta Remember the Music, Baby

When this life drags me back down a rabbit hole, I somehow became very bad at enjoying the ride. I need to remind myself of how the music has always helped. I get into mood music, you know what I mean? It’s a song or a beat and however you’re feeling, it’s right there feeling it with you. It’s seems strange now to call it another era, but I come from a time to record albums, cassette tapes, and CD’s. If you bought something, you listened to every track, front and back. You listened to them often alone–if you were sent to your room as often as I was as a kid. I pulled out the record jacket, the cassette or CD sleeve and I read the lyrics to every song as it played.

When I was a love-sick 12-year old breaking up with my crush, I listened to every Lone Justice song on a cassette tape front and back, while walking for hours in my too-damn-small town. When I was growing up and fell in love with a little known British, one-man band called The The and played a cassette tape for hours in my room or for anyone that would listen, it kept me from the hell of reality. I got sent to my room so much as a kid, I eventually just stayed there. It was just me, a music collection and a little boom box that held my life together.

I still listen to Lone Justice and The The. I still read the lyrics. I still have mood music. But, occasionally, I get in a pit of reality that takes me so low, I can’t even remember the music or how good it is and how it makes me feel. And it always made me feel like I’m not alone. As I’ve grown older and phones and singles have replaced most music and it’s nearly unheard of to listen to anything cover to cover, I forget about how music heals and helps.

I’ve had a difficult time lately. I’m in another transition many years beyond when I first started listening to music. And, I’m surviving it the best that I can. I had a glimmer of hope today when I remembered a song I used to listen to. This one is Joan Osborne and I have that CD and jacket too. The song is called, “The Ladder” and even if it sounds self-absorbed, I always imagined me singing it to myself. Because, I can be very hard on myself. I changed up a few of the lyrics (because what is art if you can’t interpret it to what you need when you see/hear it?) And I needed to remind me to love myself even when I’m a mess–and I often am. An if all that sounds like bullshit, here are the lyrics I heard:

Today and every day

Today and every day

Today and every day

I’m standin’ here in my closet

Unbuttonin’ all my clothes

I sleep in my bed tonight

But I never find me home

You’re givin’ me crooked answers

I’m crackin’ your little code

I’m learnin’ another language

So full it’s about to explode

You give me a ladder now

I surely believe I’ll climb

It don’t even matter now

I’m willing to take my time

I’m gonna love you anyway

Today and every day

Today and every day

I’m gonna love you anyway

Today and every day

Today and every day

I wanted it to be easy

I know that I’ll make you tired

Sometimes I get slow and lazy

Sometimes I get so inspired

I wanted a long flirtation

My plane doesn’t ever land

Some things I don’t want to look at

I don’t want to understand but

You give me a ladder now

I surely believe I’ll climb

It don’t even matter now

I’m willing to take my time

I’m gonna love you anyway

Today and every day

Today and every day

I’m gonna love you anyway

Today and every day

Today and every day

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