Here’s a little dating in North Dakota update for ya. It’s not them. It’s me. I end every relationship that appears to be going well. Why do I do that? That’s a good question.
Maybe I prefer to be alone. Maybe I prefer to be pining forever. Maybe I just enjoy feeling heartbroken. I’m not sure.
I do know the relationships have ended because I didn’t feel I was “good enough.” Was that something imposed on me? Or some ridiculous standard I imposed upon myself? Sorry. I’m not a size 0. You can do better. Sorry, I have issues. You can find someone who doesn’t (never mind I’m horribly attracted to those whose issues are generally worse than mine). I help them overcome their demons and then I say it’s time to move on. The strange thing is that I can’t seem to do that for myself. Of the two men I’ve loved with my entire heart and soul, both found love after I left them. They most likely–most certainly don’t realize how much it broke my heart to let them go. Nobody breaks my heart more than I do. I’ve asked professionals. While they understand why I do it, they offer no explanation other than that I’m an extremely complicated person. As if I don’t know that.
So? Can you explain to me why I keep breaking my own heart? Can you explain to me why everything I hold dear, I let go? If you can, I might love you forever. But not bloody likely. But….I might.