I break my own heart 

Here’s a little dating in North Dakota update for ya. It’s not them. It’s me. I end every relationship that appears to be going well. Why do I do that?  That’s a good question. 

Maybe I prefer to be alone. Maybe I prefer to be pining forever. Maybe I just enjoy feeling heartbroken. I’m not sure. 

I do know the relationships have ended because I didn’t feel I was “good enough.” Was that something imposed on me? Or some ridiculous standard I imposed upon myself? Sorry. I’m not a size 0. You can do better. Sorry, I have issues. You can find someone who doesn’t (never mind I’m horribly attracted to those whose issues are generally worse than mine).  I help them overcome their demons and then I say it’s time to move on. The strange thing is that I can’t seem to do that for myself.  Of the two men I’ve loved with my entire heart and soul, both found love after I left them. They most likely–most certainly don’t realize how much it broke my heart to let them go. Nobody breaks my heart more than I do.  I’ve asked professionals. While they understand why I do it, they offer no explanation other than that I’m an extremely complicated person.  As if I don’t know that. 

So?  Can you explain to me why I keep breaking my own heart?  Can you explain to me why everything I hold dear, I let go?  If you can, I might love you forever.  But not bloody likely. But….I might. 

One thought on “I break my own heart 

  1. Let me get back to you on this. I’ll put in my 2 cents later. My thoughts might only be worth 1 cent. But when nothing is ventured, there’s no chance of gain. ⚘

    Like

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