When I first went to college, I majored in theatre. I excelled in speech and theatre because it was a way to escape. I could play the part; I could memorize someone else’s lines. I was good at pretending to be someone else. I didn’t know why at the time, but pretending to be someone else gave me a break from who I was. Who I was was a sad, hurt little girl; molested at 5, raped at 14 and 18 with a mom and dad I was too afraid of to talk to about it. My only sibling–my older brother took the popularity road. He trashed me as a slut without bothering to do that whole storybook older brother thing of standing up for his little sister. I know that would’ve been difficult for him in the small town we lived in, but I always loved my brother and I always wished he’d love me, but it’s never happened.
I went through my freshman year as a theatre major. I was in two shows and then I was raped again–at 18. I did all those things we’re told to do. I filed charges, had a rape kit done. I was sick and tired of being treated like I wasn’t a person.
My parents didn’t want to hear about it. I guess it’s hard to understand that. It’s hard to hear about the things that happened to your little girl. So, I gave up. I wasn’t strong enough to do it on my own. I dropped charges and hoped to forget and get on with my life.
So, where does “the spin” fit in?
After 6 years of dealing with what had happened and seeing nobody cared; after 6 years of understanding women are second class citizens in our country, I went back to college. I went back knowing I was not second class. It’s the world that’s messed up. I went back knowing I’m not alone, but maybe I can change it. I went back into communications–not theatre. I went back as me and a realization that people like me might change the way things are. I first went for journalism and had a wonderful professor that told me how it is–you write what your told to write. You’ll be on a payroll.
I decided to get into public relations. You’re also on a payroll but, you make some money. I learned to see the spin. The spin is for big companies and corporations and politics. I see the spin because I was taught to. I opted out of the spin as well. So, please, if I tell you your being duped? It’s not a reflection on you, but the spin. The spin doctors (not the 90’s band) are experts. I can spin anything as well. I choose not to.