You’re selfish. You have no ambition. You’ll never amount to anything 

These words I heard as a kid. Maybe from 9 until 12. I now realize it was a means to propel me forward, but honestly? Every time I feel I’m on the brink of doing something great, these words repeat in my head. 

I’m guessing there’s a time in each child’s life where the things said are immortalized in their subconscious. Regardless of the reason they were told to me–to make me strong; to make me fight; to make me prove myself, the effect has been devastating.

My conscious mind is able to process and understand the reason, but my little girl brain that heard it still just can’t get past it. I was never beaten. I was never witness to horrific abuse. But I was told those words over and over again.

It was a challenge. It made me stop caring about myself so I wouldn’t be selfish. It made me ambitious to the point where I was very successful. It made me care about everything more than I ever did myself. I earned approval. But, every time I  try and hope to achieve something more, those words repeat in my head: “you’re selfish. You have no ambition, and you’ll never amount to anything.”

Those words damaged me, but I learned that words have consequences. I have a son now. 

I’m quite careful choosing my words. I tell him he can do anything if he tries.”It’s not easy, but trying and pushing will propel you forward in this life. There will be people that don’t believe in you simply because they aren’t strong enough to do what you can.”

I need to listen to my own advice. 

2 thoughts on “You’re selfish. You have no ambition. You’ll never amount to anything 

  1. I also hear that critical voice far to often–why can’t you be like your sister, she never misbehaves; your brother’s iq tested so much higher than yours, your not smart enough, you better hope a rich man finds you attractive; don’t let the neighbors see you dressed like a whore; you’re going out wearing THAT? Don’t major in art, art is for losers….

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