This one time (at band camp), :-D, at my old career, I would laugh when people told me how incredible I was. I’d downplay all of my accomplishments (because I was raised not to toot my own horn). Being strong, smart, and confident was most definitely frowned upon as a female. I was not there for myself. I was there for everyone else. I supported everyone else that brought in business and made the sales. I was there for them. This was perfectly acceptable to me. I thought of myself (which I would never tell anyone at work), as “the closer.” I would then discount myself as a pretty girl in a skirt that could get men to spend money.
A. This is not a very “feministy” place to be in.
B. I’m fighting for respect here, do not discount me by looks or gender.
C. Without my help and my brain, you have nothing. Admit it.
And dear lord, that’s hard to admit. I’m assuming (so sue me), that it was quite like losing a softball game to a girl. But here’s the ticket, Einstein:
1. I understand how the world works
2. I’m fully capable of giving you all the credit (while secretly knowing I’m needed).
3. You use me, take my ideas and pay me less than the boys, we’re gonna have a problem.
Pssst, I get along with everyone. The reason I know you’re screwing me over is because the boys told me. However, I continued to play your game thinking that’s what I had to do.
So here’s what I learned:
A. The vast majority of “the boys” have your back if you kick ass (way more ass than they do, but hey! You signed up for that by being born female.)
B. Those boys will continue to have your back and have a hell of a lot of respect for you when you stand up and say “bullshit.”
C. The vast majority of sexism, racism, homophobia is unconscious and socially driven. That’s why you call it out–every day, all the time. They will dismiss you and make your life a living hell, but you’ll be able to look yourself in the mirror and be proud. Letting someone know they are racist, sexist, homophobic, but just don’t know why and blaming it on our country’s socialization does wonders. You will lose every battle. For now. But eventually, we’ll win the war.