The Anorexia Story

I was a fat kid.  Not, you know, a little chubby.  I was fat.  I weighed 140 pounds in the 4th grade.  I was teased a bunch and even family used to say things like, “you’re going to be big and fat like your cousin, Mabel.”  (That’s not her real name.). Like the worst thing in the world I could be was fat.  

One kid that I rode the bus with said I looked like a “big, fat Olivia Newton-John.”  Hey, it was the 80’s.  I had the female mullet and a headband.  I guess I had that coming. 

When I got to about 12-13, I just grew taller.  My weight stayed the same.  I ended up around 5’8″ and 140, but I still felt fat.  It didn’t matter what size I wore or how much taller I was.  That number, 140, would forever make me feel fat.

One day, in the seventh grade, I just stopped eating.  I just had no appetite and no energy.  I drank Tang and slept a lot.  My mom (who once teased me about being fat; put me on my first 1000 calorie a diet, etc.) was worried I may have anorexia.  I remember thinking, “damn!  I wish, but pretty sure I’m just sick.”

She took me to the clinic where I was lectured by 2 doctors about the importance of eating right.  “Not everyone is meant to be 110 pounds, you know.”  I tried to tell them I love to eat!  I’m not anorexic!  They asked if I wished I could lose weight and I said, “of course.”  They asked me if I’d been dieting and I told them I’d been on a diet since I was 8, but I wasn’t on a diet.  I just wasn’t hungry.  They continued to lecture and I felt bad.  They also drew blood.  And the next day, after being lectured by mom and doctors, mom got the call, “She doesn’t have anorexia!  She has mono!”  

Relief all around.  I tried to tell them.  Of course, mono was no picnic.  I went to school and home.  I didn’t have energy for anything else.  I wasn’t hungry, I looked sick and pale.  And the kids who knew I had mono made fun of me because it was “the kissing disease.”  Rumors spread as to how many guys I’d been with (in 7th grade) to get it.

Ah well.  I’m significantly bigger now and older and no one teases me about my weight (except my family), and no one talks about the mono.  But for a brief moment, there was so much concern that I may be anorexic.  The attention was nice, but I never did master an eating disorder.  Thank goodness.  But fat wasn’t ok.  Thin was anorexia.  What the hell do you people want?  

That’s all.  😉

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