For the Nice Guys

Women.  We’re hard to understand, aren’t we?  Since I’ve been a hard-to-understand woman who loves men, I’m going to give you an inside scoop (from my perspective.). I don’t make any claim that this applies to all women.  You’ll have to ask her to speak for herself, but I can tell you why nice guys are tough for us.

We’ve been abused.  Not always physical or sexual, but emotional.  Some of us get a trifecta.  We know you aren’t all like that, but what that’s done to us is make us feel unworthy.  You’re a great guy!  No one’s ever been a truly great guy to us before.  We remember the guy who lied straight to our face with tears streaming down about how we were the only one–only to learn he was cheating on his girlfriend with us.  We remember the guy that chased us up and down the street calling us names and threatening to kill us.  We remember the guy who said he loved us who also said how lucky we were to have him because he was the only one who could possibly love our broken selves.  We later learned (if we’re very lucky) that it was all abuse.

So, a nice guy comes along and all we know is they lie, they deceive, they hurt and they make us believe we deserve it all.  Yeah, we know that isn’t you.  We know you didn’t do those things, but we don’t feel like we deserve you.  

So, how do you deal with it?  You decide we’re just too broken and move on to someone else.  Or, you keep being there; be our best friend even if it goes nowhere; be the one consistent enough to keep saying “I love you” and show us with your actions.  But also understand, some may just be too broken to accept your love and move forward with finding someone who loves and appreciates the man you are.  Here’s what will happen:

1.  You’ll reman in her life through all of her struggles to love herself as much as you do.  Maybe one day, you’ll convince her to see herself through your eyes and she’ll begin to heal.

2.  You’ll meet someone who can return all those feelings your have for her and someday, she’ll wish she could have.

Either way, you’ll be true to yourself, be the nice guy, stay a friend and she’ll know that no matter how difficult it is to accept, someone was able to love her unconditionally.

That’s all for now.  

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